new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
