i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
