So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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