the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
