i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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