So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
