we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
