Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize