Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
