it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
