Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
