I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
