Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
