i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
