I showed him my bush... on skype.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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