im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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