Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Randomize
