My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
