I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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