Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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