hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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