Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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