Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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