All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
