Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
