Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
