my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
