Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
