I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
