i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
