i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Every concussion has its silver lining
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
