i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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