i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
