I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
