Screwed.edu
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
MIDGETS
????
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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