forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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