best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
