i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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