Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
