dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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