i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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