Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
