Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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