I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
