he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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