His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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