But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
