She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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