We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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