I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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