What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
