Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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