well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
