I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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