my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
