Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just threw up on my dentist
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
