I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
