Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
