Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
