Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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