Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
