I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
