Sry I called you an 8
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
