i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My life is pants optional.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize