News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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