Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't turn off my feet"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
