I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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