I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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