Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
