Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
