It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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