i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
