You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
