I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
