I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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