If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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