pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Randomize
