So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
