I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
