even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
40s are totally the cure
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
