Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
