A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
