I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house