Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap