when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today