Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
honey bunches of taint.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
